It may sound counter-intuitive to use "and" where you would normally use the word "but" — because most of us think of these two words as opposites. The thing is, they can be interchangeable!
Consider this:
"I can come to the party, but I'll be a little late."
vs.
"I can come to the party, and I'll be a little late."
They are similar — yet different.
Both communicate my attendance, with a "little late" caveat. The first one gives more importance to the "little late" though, making the message a bit negative overall.
When we use a "but," we usually negate or void whatever we said first and bring focus to what we say after the "but."
The second one gives a more positive feeling overall. It doesn't take anything away from my attendance. Instead, the "and" confirms, validates, and strengthens that I'm coming to the party. It says, "Oh yes, I'll be there — just a bit late!" 😊
The word "but" suggests the opposite, or at least some kind of difference. "And" suggests whatever was already stated — plus something more. Both the beginning and end of the statement are true, are OK, and go together nicely.
Imagine the psychological effect on the person you're speaking to when you use "and" instead of "but":
- They don't have to put up any defenses for what's coming after the "but."
- They may end up feeling better about the whole situation — "We had an argument, and we learned more about each other, and I think we're stronger now!"
- It can even make you feel better about yourself — "I burnt my toast by accident, and it tasted great in the soup."
Try it out! You may be surprised that, most times, the swap does not change the meaning of what you say — it lifts and enhances what you say.